I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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