I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
