My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
