Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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