our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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