The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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