No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
