Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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