Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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