GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
