Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
