I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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