I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
