I just threw up on my dentist
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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