I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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