my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
