she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
