Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
