I wish my penis had an off switch
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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