that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I currently don't understand fingers.
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