I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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