rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
