First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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