I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
