Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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