He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Congratulations! We have a period
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
