i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
