Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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