Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
