matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize