a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sisters under your porch take her home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
