I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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