There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize