Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
