Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
