On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
