I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize