i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
