Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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