Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize