peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
