go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
