im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
