I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
