i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
