Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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