My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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