I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize