he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
