What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i dont even know how to be here
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
