he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
