the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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