I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
