I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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