I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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