cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
