My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
