And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
