I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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