I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
