I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
