he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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