just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
