I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am puke
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
