I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
