I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
