May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
