Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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