I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
