I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
