the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
