I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize