Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
