ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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