I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
