So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize