Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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