I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
