So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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