Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
