I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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